Christian & Roxy  Friendships and Relationships
by Timidmouse
Summary: New relationships always put stress on existing friendships, none more so than Roxy and Christian - this story is about Chryed from Roxy's point of view. It is set the morning after the reveal.
1. Chapter 1

**Set the morning after the reveal from Roxy's point of view. Reviews welcome.**

**Chapter 1**

Christian Clarke and Syed Masood!

Roxy shook her head in disbelief thinking of the events of last night. One minute they were "enjoying" a rather weird flat warming party – which wasn't even in the said flat – the next she and Jane were dragging Christian out of the house before the in-laws decked him.

She knew Christian had an on-off relationship with someone mysterious – but never in a million years would she have thought it was Syed! She would have been less surprised if it had been Jack, he had a string of conquests and was at least good looking! How could he, her best friend, have kept this from her? Mind you she knew he was good at keeping a confidence, he had kept enough secrets for her in the past. Loyal that was Christian, loyal to a fault.

No, Syed wasn't Christian's type at all – she should know she had been on enough nights out with Christian to know what kind of men he went for, and none of them had looked anything like a weedy Syed. Christian preferred them tall and muscular, like he was; he liked confident sexy blokes, uncomplicated and fun loving. Syed was none of these, he was a pretty boy under the thumb of first his mother and then his wife, he was serious, focussed on business and religion – and most of all he wasn't long married! OK she could see how an airhead like Amira might find him rather cute, but he wasn't a real man. He was tied to his mummy's apron strings – at least he was until the spectacle last night.

After they had got him out of the house Jane had really laid into him, told him he should have left well alone, that it was typical of him to chase after something he couldn't have, that he destroyed everything that he touched. Syed had made his choice and he should have respected that and not chased after him again.

Maybe that was it – forbidden fruit, risky and exciting, the thrill of the chase, so why the confrontation? Syed may have outed himself but Christian had pushed him into it. That wasn't like Christian, he valued honesty and he was more than able to stand up for himself but he showed respect for people's feelings. It was totally uncharacteristic for him to put someone on the spot in public.

Christian just kept repeating that it wasn't like that, that they loved each other. I was having such a problem taking it all in I didn't know what to think – the one thing I was sure of was that Christian, my friend, was hurting, so I told her to lay off him.

When Syed finally emerged and rejected him with such anger he was devastated and I wanted to kill Syed too, I wanted to make the pain go away, but didn't know what to say, I didn't know what had gone on so I just dragged him back to his flat, poured him a drink and stayed with him until cried himself to sleep. If I hadn't had to go back to Amy, I would never have left him on his own, deserted by everyone. So now Amy was fed, I have to get back to see if he was OK.

I have to get some answers to the thousand questions running through my head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for the reviews**

**Chapter 2**

God he's has got it bad.

He tried to keep composed, but the tears were never far away the whole time we talked. At least I understand a bit more what happened last night – I think he was stupid but now I understand why Christian did what he did. He had been pushed too far, too often – he couldn't take it anymore. What a manipulative, two-timing coward that Syed is, imagine going ahead and getting married when he knew he was gay! What was he thinking – certainly NOT about his wife?

As for the rest of the family, those parents standing in the Vic claiming the moral high ground, what a cheek! Suggesting that Christian had seduced their precious son, implying that he was responsible for breaking up the marriage, when Zainab knew, before the wedding, he was gay. She would rather stick her head in the ground and pretend, than stand up for her own son. Bigots – all of them!

I know Christian; he could have any man he wanted. If he says Syed made the first move – then that **IS** what happened. Mind you he is feeling guilty about how it all came out – typical Christian, he can't do things quietly, has to be a big drama, and this one really couldn't have been more dramatic. It's amazing that they managed to keep the whole thing secret for so long – I feel a bit better about him not confiding in me now I know how few people knew, and most of them found out by accident rather than design. What I wouldn't have paid to be a fly on the wall when he slugged it out with Zainab though, I bet he gave as good as he got! That woman may have a vitriolic tongue but Christian is a master of comebacks and where he always wins is that he keeps a cool head, not like me. If there is one thing he has taught me is not to let your emotions rule your actions. He lets his head rule, which is why people don't usually out manoeuvre him.

Which brings me back to Syed – I don't get them, I don't know why – but he really does seem to have got under Christian's skin, made him act on his emotions, that's why he is feeling so bad now, that's why he won't go after him, giving him "space". I am glad Syed has done a runner; it takes the decision out of Christian's hands, and might help Christian see him for what he is.

All I can do right now is be here for him, listen, hold his hand, take him out, and help him get over him. I reckon if Syed was "available" the relationship would just fizzle out anyway, they have nothing in common, not that Christian wants to hear that just now, but he will come round if I can provide him with a distraction. I want Christian to be happy – he has so much to give, he is the best mate ever and he deserves to find someone who will treat him with love and respect.


	3. Chapter 3

**Set in the Vic, just after Roxy has been to see Syed, after Christian was beaten up, but before anyone knows about the overdose. Still from Roxy's POV.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews – the only problem was this fic is that looking at things from Roxy's POV means I am starting not to like Syed, can't have that for too long! Need to get through this chapter first though.**

**Chapter 3**

"Prove it."

Well there it is – I have set Christian the challenge, and with a flicker of his old self showing he can't resist it. He might be able to duck out of shopping, a night out on the town, but he just can't resist flirting. That bloke seems nice and he could be just the right thing for him just now, to show him there are plenty other fish in the sea, to help him to get over Syed.

The outward scars are beginning to heal, but inside... if I don't do something quickly he will end up the same way he did last time, a prisoner in his own flat, scared of the world. I have to get him out and about, any way that I can, I'll play as dirty as I need. If that means he takes his anger out on me so be it. Better he feels anger than feels nothing at all. Hopefully after what I said, Syed he will go, just go away and stop taunting Christian, give him a chance to move on, to get on with his life.

When Syed came back to Walford, I thought at the very least he had come back for Christian. Now I'm a family person, I know the draw of blood ties – despite all the secrets, lies and arguments, family is still family. His family though have made it clear there is no way back, if that is the case there is nothing stopping them getting back together. Syed though chooses not to. He offers Christian nothing, not a word of comfort, not a hand to hold, not an explanation. With nothing more to lose there can only be one explanation – he lied to Christian about loving him, he was no more than a distraction from his unhappy marriage, maybe even that Christian was **his** forbidden fruit and now it is available he has lost interest. Sure I can see he is in pain too – drinking vodka, but that pain is rooted in his family and religion, not in Christian.

Christian told me Syed had walked right passed him in the street, looked through the cuts and bruises like they didn't exist, like he didn't exist. Then later, came crawling back with an apology, so Christian **FINALLY** told him to get lost. Syed cheats on his wife, Syed goes against his religion, Syed lies to him, Syed lies to his family – and who gets beaten up, by his "holier than thou" family – Christian does! I have never been so frightened in all my life seeing Christian being wheeled into that ambulance, I thought he was seriously hurt, I was frightened he might die. That wasn't just a few bruises, he was beaten unconscious, he needed stitches for goodness sake and Masood just walked away and left him lying in the street.

After all this Christian, bless his gentle heart, still forgives, still defends them, refuses to prosecute his wicked odious family – and still hurts. He tries to deny it – as much to himself as to me. Yes he tries to deny it, he tries to hide it, but I'm not blind, I see it etched in his face, in the hunch of his shoulders, in his walk. The life and soul is being sucked out of him, and every glimpse of Syed sets him back.

I watch Christian working his charm, looking relaxed for the first time in ages pouring a glass of wine, flirting – no correct that, pulling! The guy is falling for it.

And then in walks Minty – and sets everything back to square one with news of Syed's overdose. My hearts in my mouth, I know it is my fault, I know I pushed him over the edge and I am relieved to hear that he is OK – but Christian bolts, like a love-struck teenager he runs to be by his side, boy has he got it bad.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

So mummy's boy has gone back to the bosom of his dysfunctional, twisted, bigoted family. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. At least it has provided some form of closure for Christian; he now knows exactly where he stands, accepts it is all over and is starting to rebuild his life.

He and Jane seem to have patched up their differences. She and I talked when we were up at the hospital visiting Christian. She's normally quite off hand with me, we don't have much in common, well we don't have anything in common apart from we both love Christian. When she found out it was Masood who left him lying in the street she let her guard down though. She doesn't really get the thing with Syed either, she said Syed finished it with him before Christmas, that was why he disappeared off to Barcelona so suddenly. She knew it had hit him hard when Syed chose Amira, but thought after the wedding he had accepted it and moved on, she doesn't know when it started up again, and she assumes Christian just wouldn't let it go. She blames Christian, I blame Syed.

The truth – well I guess only the two of them know that, and Christian has started to shut down about it again, if either of us bring up the subject he changes it. He is trying to make a clean break though, selling his shares in Massala Queen is good and starting his personal trainer business is a great idea, with his charm and body he will soon start pulling in the punters. I will miss him in the Vic but at least I am starting to see my best friend slowly emerge again.

We had a night out in Vauxhall and he bounced back to his best party animal self, well almost – he drank, he talked, he flirted, he danced, he was great company, he was attentive, but ... he turned down every offer going (and he wasn't short of them) and he went home alone. Although that cheeky smile was plastered all over his face, it never reached his eyes. He is still hurting, and I don't know what to do other than to pretend with him that everything is back to normal.

He carries that pretence of normality back to the square with him; he holds his head up high, involves himself in the community, ignores the gossips and even manages to keep a civil tongue in his head when Zainab spits her venom at him. Even more impressive he manages to look Syed in the eye and talk to him like he was a human being instead of the spineless invertebrate that he is.

I wish I had his level of control, but I'm cut from the same cloth as Zainab. Whatever is in my head ultimately makes its way to my mouth, probably why I spend so much more time making apologies than he does. Only occasionally does his carefully constructed veneer split.

Yesterday it was "the cure". That cut deep on two fronts, firstly the denial from his family that Syed is gay. At first I thought he was worried that people would see him as some sort of predator, but no, he was actually more concerned about Syed, about him finding happiness in his life. I say he made his choice he has to live with it, so what if he is miserable for the rest of his life, not my problem! Deeper than that though was the idea that being gay was an illness. That undermines who he is and what he stands for. For Syed himself to stand there and say this was, to Christian, yet another personal rejection both as a lover and a friend, to me it was kicking someone when they are down. Unforgiveable!

Today it spilt over with his outburst in the Vic at the Masoods. What is it with him? Fine put one over one over on his parents if you must – but what is it that he still tries to stand up for and protect Syed, doesn't he get it – he's just not worth it!

Christian, honey – it's time for some tougher love – you need to move on.

_**Please R&R - they are much appreciated.**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Set after the reunion, still from Roxy's POV. Thanks for the reviews, much appreciated**

**Chapter 5**

Well what do you know – it would appear the boy grew a backbone! The word is Syed has moved in with Christian.

Walked out of his parents house one minute, stopped Christian in the square and said he wanted to get back together, and Christian took him in, just like that! I have been trying to check it out, called and texted a dozen times. I saw Christian briefly earlier and I have to admit he looked happy, he looked like a man in love and clearly speaking to me was oh so less exciting then getting back to Syed so I let him go.

I can't imagine _**anything**_ Syed could have said that would suddenly make Christian open himself up to get hurt again. I will extract it from Christian later and find out what really happened. I don't trust Syed – he has been changing his mind every other week for a year now –what if he does it again? Does he even know what he wants?

I tell you if that boy lets Christian down, just as he is getting his life together, he will answer to me. If he thinks his mother is fierce, he should remember her worst excesses are still tempered with love – mine won't be, and I'm a Mitchell. I will string him up his wotsits, he really won't know whether he is gay or not 'cos I'll have him castrated!

Speak of the devil. Well, doesn't my Christian look like the cat that got the canary? Surprised he let him out of bed long enough to bring him here to the Vic! I guess he just wants to show him off a bit, and after all he has been through I can't blame him for that. In contrast Syed looks embarrassed and distinctively uncomfortable; he is trying to ignore the obvious whispering from the locals and I see he has no intention of coming anywhere near me. What was that - did I just see him recoil when Christian touched his arm? That's not right – if he is so committed why would he do that? I have just given him my best disapproving look so he knows I am on to him. I will make sure he knows I will be watching his every move.

As Christian walks toward me to order I smile sweetly and start pouring the drinks. I ask him how he can be so sure, I remind him it wasn't that long ago he was "cured". He shakes his head, tells me that was his parents talking, funny I don't remember seeing them in the room at the time. He assures me he has made a choice, that he has given up everything to be with him. I worry he is too trusting, I know from bitter experience that love is blind, I try hard to think of what he would be saying to me if the position was reversed, but I lack his way with words. So I settle for a hug, tell him I am happy for him, to be careful not to give too much too soon, that there are still hurdles and people out there that would undermine them and assure him that I will always be here if he needs to talk.

He thanks me, rewards me with a kiss, takes the drinks, winks at a few of the gossips giving him looks and goes back to Syed, his arm goes around the chair behind Syed – staking his claim. I note he is careful not to actually touch him – that is not my tactile Christian, but when their eyes meet I see the strength of the connection and Syed stops looking embarrassed – in fact he stops seeing anything else in the room. Maybe ... maybe this will work.


	6. Chapter 6

**Set in R&R's where Roxy is serving. Thanks for the reviews – they are much appreciated.**

**Sorry for the delay in updating - hope you all had a good new year.**

**Chapter 6**

I'm bored. Everything seems to be changing, and I can't help but feel I am being left behind. Don't get me wrong I love Amy, she us the centre of my life and I would do anything for her, but I need to be a bit more than being just a mum.

It's not that we are short of drama round here, what with the fire at the Vic. Phil, young Billy – it's just all too serious to have a laugh about. Ronnie and Jack are so absorbed in their lives; I even miss fighting with Auntie Peg! I like being here in R&R but I miss the Vic. The difference is that with the Vic being a pub, lots of people tend drop in, and they chat, you get all the gossip and have a laugh. R&R is different, as a club people tend to come in groups for a night out, they drink more and when it gets busy and the music is up loud there is little chance of a good laugh.

I miss Christian, I still see him of course but his business is taking off so he his busy and he does want to spend his time with Syed, which I understand. We did have that one night out together, which I thought was great fun, but throwing up was the not best end to a night out I have ever had. I don't think it would have been quite so bad if Syed had been there alone, but the fact that his nerdy brother was with him really didn't help. Their faces were a picture. Syed gave Christian an earful the next morning and he has been feeling guilty ever since, so no chance of a repeat in the near future. I don't think either of the Muslim boys knows how to have fun, except if what Christian says is true, Syed does know to have fun, just not the kind I can join in on! He'd better do if he wants to hang onto Christian with his track record. It's a pity Christian's not bi, then we might all have fun together – oh Roxy Mitchell I don't believe you even thought that!

Besides I think Syed's view of me is pretty much the same as mine of him. I tried to give him one of my death stares and warn him against messing Christian around, but he just gave me one back and told me I should accept that he needed to move on! Cheek – like I would do anything to hurt my best friend. I'll be around to pick up the pieces long after he moves on.

Oh joy – Billy Mitchell, he is like a wet weekend at the best of times, and he seems to have paired up with Carole Jackson – this might be the most depressing night of my life.

Christian! Well he's a sight for sore eyes; hopefully he will cheer me up, even if he does have Syed in tow. Or maybe not – the Slater's and Janine, that's a recipe for disaster!

Why is it with all the people that are in here tonight, I still feel lonely? The only one who is actually sitting up at the bar keeping me company is that odious Janine, and she is pure poison. Look at Christian and Syed sitting staring into each other's eyes – they have all day and all night together, surely he can spare some time for me. Maybe Janine's right, maybe if I can loosen up Muslim boy, he'll slacken off his grip on Christian and we can have some fun.

Yeh – what harm can one little shot of vodka do?


	7. Chapter 7

**Set in the cafe where Roxy the morning after. Thanks for the reviews – they are much appreciated.**

**I may have to keep this going after seeing the New Year episodes of EE.**

**Chapter 7**

I am such an idiot. What on earth was I thinking last night? If it wasn't bad enough having Christian shouting me out at the club I was left with Janine, laughing at me. What was it she called me a "Fag Hag" – is that what I have turned into? I can't believe in the fun stakes Roxy Mitchell could lose out to Syed Masood, I mean we are not even in the same league! I really don't want to lose Christian, he has been such a great mate – and not just for the fun stuff. Mind you it's not the first time he has accused me of being self centred. I know I am, but that doesn't mean I don't want him to be happy too.

My heart lifted this morning when I saw Christian at the door, but he left me in no doubt that he is still mad at me. I bounce between being desperate to do something to make him forgive me and being angry at him for taking itso seriously. I mean a shot of vodka is hardly as serious as ... as well sleeping with your sister's boyfriend. I mean he should know me better than now – I'm impulsive, I say things, do things before I properly engage my brain. I don't really mean any harm I just don't think things through properly. It's not like vodka is going to kill him – just loosen him up a bit. It's not like outing him in front of the entire community after all. Oh that's all I need. If Syed is coming over here to have a go at me as well I will swing for him.

You know he is quite sweet really, and when he looks at you with sincerity he has nice puppy dog eyes. He agrees with me that Christian totally over reacted last night, he thought it was a bit stupid, but as he says when you don't drink you can't miss it when someone gives it you – it tastes foul. He said if he had realised Christian was going to react like that he would have just have left it and spoken to me on my own. I apologised to him, the way I should have last night, and he just smiled and said it was OK.

Then we talked, it is the first time I have had a proper discussion with Syed, and it was quite enlightening. He is right about one thing. This is a big adjustment for everyone, for him, for Christian and their families – but for me too. I have been so used to Christian being the strong one, supporting me through my life dramas; I haven't stopped to think how difficult it is for him to adjust from being wild, free and single to a committed relationship, especially one that comes with so much baggage, complications and unknowns. I guess he is just over compensating – trying too hard be "good" and being a bit over protective of Syed.

Anyway Syed left saying he would encourage Christian to value the friendship that we have. I guess it's not a competition that there needs to be a bit of respect on all sides. The one thing I do know is that Christian has a big heart – and that there is enough to go round. Not that I would admit that to him, I don't wanting him getting big headed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Move forward to January 2****nd**** – after the kiss with the Piper.**

**Chapter 8**

What a start to the New Year, I don't think I have slept a wink from the time I finally rolled home this morning to the time I had to collect Amy from Dot's. My heart goes out to Kat and Alfie, nobody should lose a child. I know how I felt when Sean took Amy, and I knew I there was a chance to get her back. There is no such hope for them, all those months carrying a child and only for him to be so cruelly taken away from you in a matter of days. Makes you appreciate what you have, you'd think it would make my sister appreciate her James all the more, but she's acting so weird. I can't get more than two words out of her, and she seems to want to lock herself away. I can understand her being paranoid about leaving the baby on its own but it's not healthy. At least Jack is back to look after them now, I'll go and see them later, right now I need breakfast and something to stop the pounding in my head.

I bet Christian's feeling even worse than me though! Things are looking up – imagine Christian abandoning Syed at home on New Year's Eve, maybe that first flush of passion has worn off, or maybe it's just his true self rising to the surface again. I don't care one way or the other; if it means that next year I see more of my mate I'll be happy.

I wonder if he has got things into perspective this morning. I mean what a fuss over a little kiss, and from what I understand it wasn't him, who initiated it, he could have taken it further but even through his drunken haze he chose not to. So there is no way that can be considered as being unfaithful. I don't understand how he got himself into such a state, and I really hope Syed was asleep when he finally got home last night so he didn't just blurt it out. I mean I am still no great fan and I really don't see what Christian sees in him, but I don't need to understand them to know that Christian has never been this happy. Their relationship is still quite new and there are so many differences between them, it is bound to be fragile. If Syed blows it all out of proportion he might blame me, after the last incident with the spiked drink I sure don't want to **ever **be the one that is seen as coming between them. I don't want Christian to be hurt again either; I need to make him understand that there is such a thing as a white lie.

He was so cute when he cuddled up to me in the square, I know that people say all sorts of things when they are drunk but I believe he meant it. He meant it when he said that he loved me, that there was part of his heart that belonged to me. I know that I meant what I said and I guess that is the real reason that I haven't been able to sleep.

From the first day I set eyes on Christian I knew he was a bit special. I fancied him, but when I realised he was gay it didn't bother me to turn that attraction into friendship. What a friend he has turned out to be –he's fun but he's also loyal, a way lot smarter than people take him to be, he has never been afraid to be honest with me and has helped me both practically and emotionally and he has been such a great godfather to Amy.

All night it has been playing through my head, what if... What if I had taken him up on his offer to be Amy's dad, what if I had never taken Sean back into my life? I knew in my heart it was never going to last, Christian knew that too, he was the one who warned me Sean was a nutter – I could have saved myself a whole load of heartbreak, I could have saved Christian a whole load of heartbreak.

What else would have changed – if Christian had moved in with me and Amy, he would have been my rock, would he ever have got together with Syed? Would we have worked out something between us, would he have been content to carry on with the one night stands and come home to me night after night? Or would we have found a different kind of relationship?

The real reason I can't sleep is that admitting it to Christian, has meant I have had to admit it to myself. Janine was wrong, I am not a Fag Hag, but in another way she was right I am jealous! Somewhere along the line my feelings have changed, the bit of me that fancied him never went away, it is just that while he was open and available I could suppress it, now he is in a relationship I can't anymore.

The truth is he is not just my best mate – he is the lover I now know I can never have. At what point friendship turned to love I don't know, but love him I do.


End file.
